Up Your American Vagina!

Well, my Amazon stuff did arrive yesterday (today when I was writing, Friday that is) and I had quite a good time getting to know my Faerie Oracle. Not too enamoured with the Angel Numbers book though, it's a bit too god-biased to me, but I suppose I should have thought of that.

OK, going to pick on the Yanks again (I do that periodically, although not as often as I want to, believe me). Check this out: Girls Suspended Over V-Word. This totally baffles me, along the lines of "It's perfectly OK for you to carry a gun and shoot who the f**k you like, but OMG don't mention the correct anatomical name for the part of a woman's body that plays an important role in the procreation of the human race". (As an aside, I wasn't even allowed to use the word "cock" on an American writing forum today - just as well I'm not a farmer). WAKE UP, AMERICA!!!

OK, the girls did disobey orders, but it's obvious that wasn't the real reason they were suspended. They were suspended because of an outmoded, old-fashioned, puritan attitude that, as the author of the play herself said, is "a throwback to the Dark Ages". It was far more acceptable to kill people then, too. I accept that I live in a country that doesn't see guns as a fashion accessory, but who in their right mind would want to? Children here are taught correct anatomical terms when their ages are still in single figures; they are not taught how to load a gun.

Sorry, and my apologies to those Americans who don't subscribe to the bang-bang philosophy (I know there are many of you, quite a few of whom I know personally ... I shall certainly be speaking to my friend in Brooklyn about this, I thought NY was a little more modern-minded than the majority of the US), but to those of you who do - VAGINA, VAGINA, VAGINA ... and for good measure: PENIS, PENIS, PENIS. Now, shoot me (already).

Tomorrow is Today and Today is Yesterday

Yesterday was my eldest daughter's birthday, although it's still today to me as I haven't been to bed yet. Will be going very soon though, as I'm knackered and falling asleep.

Hopefully my Amazon items will arrive tomorrow (today), although knowing my luck they'll arrive on Saturday (tomorrow). I actually did better out of the deal than I should have (see previous post) as when I checked my inbox earlier today (yesterday), I discovered that Amazon had actually sent me an email on Monday telling me that they couldn't process my card. If I'd noticed that and corrected the details, I would have probably had the order yesterday (the day before yesterday).

As to what I've ordered, well it's a set of Faerie Oracle cards and an Angel Numbers book. Look, I'm into that sort of thing, don't knock it. I've also ordered some new tarot cards from eBay because my current ones don't seem to be working too well these days. They probably needs a good spiritual cleansing, but I don't go in for that sort of thing, I'm too lazy. It's easier to just buy a new deck. While I was at it, I ordered a pentagram pendant from the same supplier (although I hesitated, because she described it as a "pendent"). I thought I might wear it when I go to the local shops so everyone thinks I'm a witch and keeps their distance. A hermit can never have too many "keep your distance" objects about their person.

Oh, and for anyone who is confused, my daughter's birthday was on Thursday, 8th of March.

Up Your Irish Amazon

Sometimes it helps to be a stroppy cow. Last Friday I ordered a couple of items from Amazon UK. I only really wanted one of them, but the second cost less than the first-class postage on the first, so I got the second item without paying any extra as the order then qualified for free delivery.

The items were supposed to arrive anytime between yesterday and tomorrow, but when I checked yesterday they hadn't been despatched, nor had they been despatched when I checked today. There was absolutely nothing on the page to explain the delay, so I rang Amazon. It turned out that they were using the wrong card details, even though I'd entered in the correct ones. It appeared that my old Switch card was on file and they'd used that, instead of the new Visa card I'd entered when I placed the order. The old Switch card wouldn't have worked because (a) it had been replaced some time ago by the Visa and (b) it had expired some time ago. Why they used these card details when I entered totally different ones is beyond me. Even more puzzling is why I was told that the card had been accepted and the payment verified.

I politely (at first) explained to the Irish lady on the other end of the phone that there should have been some sort of warning on the page, telling me that I needed to amend some details, but she told me that this wasn't their policy, they simply continued to try the card and after a while, cancelled the order. I told her that in my opinion this was rather silly (not to mention bad for sales, although I didn't mention that bit) and she agreed with me (humoured me).

After my card details were corrected, I was told that the order would be despatched tomorrow and would arrive next week, which caused me to have a mini-fit. "Next week?" I mini-fitted. "It was supposed to be here tomorrow at the latest!" I then suggested they sent the order first-class and it was amended, except I was going to be charged more than 20% more for the privilege. At this point I had another mini-fit and muttered something along the lines of "In the interest of good customer relations, you should send it first-class and let me off the cost". Receiving no response to this, I asked for the order to be changed back to free delivery, and the Irish lady said this had been done. Refreshing the order page on the website confirmed this.

After sighing a lot and loudly muttering (yes, it is possible to mutter loudly, I've perfected it) that I would be thinking twice before using Amazon again, I terminated the phone call. On checking the order status a few minutes later, I discovered that my items were being despatched tomorrow by first-class, were estimated to arrive one or two days later (i.e., Friday or Saturday) and I had been refunded for the cost of the first-class postage.

So ... if you want first-class delivery from Amazon but don't want to pay for it, you know what to do.