Celine Dion is Haunting My Computer!

My computer is acting very strangely, very strangely indeed. I know there is probably a simple technical explanation for what I am about to tell you, but not being technically-minded I have no idea what it might be. Needless to say, if anyone reading this does have an idea, please tell me.

Last night, before I went to bed, I played a few games of back­gammon on said computer. At that point, there were no other programs running. After I'd finished, I clicked the start button, then the shutdown button. At the same time as I pressed the latter, the most amazing thing happened. CELINE DION SANG TO ME.

I kid you not, Celine Dion really did start singing to me. She was singing "Titanic" and the actual words she sang were "Once more, you opened the door, and you ...", at which point she was cut off in her prime because the computer closed down. I sat there open-mouthed, I had absolutely no idea what was going on. I do have that song on my hard-drive, but I haven't played it in a while and I'd had none of my music players running yesterday. How could Celine just start singing to me like that?

This morning I switched on the computer and as my desktop appeared, so did Celine. This time she sang "Near, far, wherever you are" at me. She stopped there, at the point where all the icons appeared and the desktop was fully loaded. I decided to try rebooting to see what happened and this time she started singing when I hit the restart button - the same words exactly as she sang to me last night when I shut down.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?! As I said, I'm sure there's a rational explanation for this (although I wouldn't be saying that now if I didn't have that song on my hard drive, I'd be calling Psychics Anonymous). And even if there is a rational explanation, could those words mean anything? Is someone from afar going to open a door to me? Is this a real door, or a metaphorical door?

You've got to admit, this is mighty peculiar. I'm not averse to a nice song, but Celine really shouldn't start singing at people like that unannounced, it just isn't right. If anyone else has experienced Celine Dion singing to them like this (or any other person), or if you have even the remotest inkling what this is all about, please let me know.

Oh No! Not the F Word Again!

Yesterday, my almost eight-year-old son lost a tooth at school. When it was time for bed he realised he'd forgotten to bring it home, so had to write a note to the Tooth Fairy. In the note, he said he would leave the tooth the following night and could he please have his money.

Today, he left the tooth at school again. When he went to bed he wrote another note, explaining the situation and promising to leave the tooth under his pillow tomorrow night.

He read the note out to me and I almost fell through the floor when he calmly said, "I'm sorry Tooth Fairy, I'm afraid it's the F word again". I braced myself for what might be to come ... you can imagine my relief when he went on to say "Yes, I FORGOT it today as well".

Sky-Blue-Pink With Yellow Dots On

Whenever I am in a hurry, I always encounter delays that normally never happen and they nearly always involve supermarkets. Sod's Law is rife in my part of the world and yesterday it reared its ugly head again.

I had about eighty minutes to get to the supermarket and back so I could play in an online cribbage tournament. Anyway, all went very well, I whizzed round the aisles grabbing this, that and the other (I like grabbing a bit of the other) and reached the check-out with half-an-hour to spare.

I am always careful when I choose which check-out to go to and, oddly enough, I tend to go for one with the shortest line This is what I did today. There were only two people ahead of me, neither of whom was buying very much, but there may as well have been a hundred and two. The woman at the front of the queue was paying with a card and, of course, the card refused to go through. In the end she decided she would have to leave the supermarket and go outside to the hole-in-the-wall to draw some cash out.

I went to another till where there was only one person waiting and what do you know? They decided that they didn't like the hole in their loaf of bread after all, so I had to wait while an assistant went to fetch another one. When I finally reached the cigarette counter, I couldn't believe what I saw. There hadn't been that many people in the supermarket, but suddenly it was absolutely teeming. A school had obviously closed for the morning session because it looked as if an entire classroom was queuing up to buy cigarettes, sweets, drinks - you name it.

There was a slight gap between one group of kids clustered around one of the fridges and the queue, so I slipped in between and hoped nobody would notice, just in case they were really in the queue I was joining. This meant there were only four people in front of me, a group of teenagers who all seemed to be together. One of them was an African girl wearing a pair of beige trousers and the strangest shoes I've ever seen. They had very pointed toes and were white with pink and yellow spots and a bright blue ribbon. To say they looked peculiar with the trousers would be an understatement. I couldn't stop staring at them.

When I finally made my way out, I had to run to the bus-stop. Needless to say, I'd missed the bus I'd intended catching and had to wait for the next one. Miraculously, there was no one on it so it went straight to my destination without stopping. I made it back with four minutes to spare before my tournament started. I needn't have bothered as it happens, I went out in the first round.

What puzzles me is, why is it that when I have time to kill before my bus goes, I find empty check-outs by the dozen and no queues at the cigarette counter? I have never been able to work that one out.