My Daughter is a Prick

There I am, innocently enjoying a cup of coffee and a bit of surfing (internet variety, I don't go in for the other sort, gimme a break), when my 14-year-old daughter screams at me from the kitchen.

Daughter: MUM! HELP! There's a needle stuck in my foot.
Mother: A what stuck in your foot? Just a minute ...

Mother goes into kitchen. Daughter is hopping on one leg and announcing that she is dying. Mother looks and sees needle stuck in daughter's foot, with black cotton threaded through it. Mother has no idea how needle got on kitchen floor. Mother attempts to pull needle out of daughter's foot.

Daughter: Don't pull it out! I'll die!
Mother: What else am I supposed to do with it?
Mother pulls out needle. Daughter remains alive.

Daughter: Is there blood on it?
Mother: No. Next time try shoes or slippers.

Daughter returns to cooking pasta, Mother returns to coffee and surfing, assuming crisis is over. A few minutes pass quietly and peacefully by.

Daughter: AAAGGGHHH!!!
Mother: What is it NOW?
Daughter: **BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**

Mother goes into kitchen and discovers floor covered in fusilli, mushrooms, bits of tomato and pasta sauce. Daughter announces she tripped over something and her pasta went all over her arm on its way to the floor and she is now scarred for life (she isn't). Mother tells daughter to leave kitchen and she will cook her some more pasta. Daughter leaves kitchen to go watch TV. Mother screams (therapeutically) and starts cooking.

Moral of Story: I live in a madhouse with mad people.

Blogging in a Puddle

Today is my mother's 80th birthday and I've created a new blog. There's not really any connection, I actually created it a couple of days ago and have only just got around to posting on it. The blog is called The Word Puddle and you can get there by clicking on the title.

What's it about? Well, it's a very simple concept. I just pick-up the nearest published item to hand, open it at random and whichever word my eyes alight on first I write about. I am choosing a music video and a picture to go with each word and the entries will be a combination of serious and humorous. I find it very difficult to write serious stuff on its own and I think it's usually rather boring anyway.

The first entry is the word FELL and I have an old Beatles video on there, plus a rather nice picture of Scarfell Pike, the highest mountain in England, which is in the Lake District for those who don't know. The second word will be WEEKEND. Go take a look, you know you want to ...